I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
