i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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