Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
