whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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