It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
