Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
