Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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