i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
