Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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