is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
