I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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