Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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