Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
