Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
