Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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