Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
