I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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