Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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