Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
