he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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