I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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