I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
