I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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