Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
