All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
