dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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