I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
