She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
