I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
