Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
50% drunk capacity currently
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
