I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
