He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
