I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
