3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
