I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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