yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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