There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
