Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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