Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
