You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You can't special order awesome
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize