Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
