You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
