He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
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You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
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Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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