What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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