Sober January is a disaster.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
