Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
