I'm gonna have a badass scar
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
