Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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