Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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