Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
All I want is dick and wine.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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