Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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