NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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