Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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