What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
