ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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