Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
