I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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