yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
