I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
