bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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