I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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