I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
