Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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