Are we in a gay sports bar?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
