i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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